Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
