It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
