I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i now understand why vodka
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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