I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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