Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
