Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
