I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
