I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
