Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Randomize
