True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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