Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
