We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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