i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Alive.
So much puke
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
