The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
