You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
