Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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