so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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