Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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