no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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