I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
