I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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