just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She bit a glass in half.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
