Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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