What did we do last night that was yellow?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
