There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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