just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize