your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to jail i love you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
