I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
