The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
