youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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