So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
