Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
