How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
