That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
soo... how was my night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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