im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
