My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
