The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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