Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
