Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
