About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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