wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
