when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
