Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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