I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
