Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
send nudes
from the living room?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
