Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
