btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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