Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
