Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
