well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Randomize
