did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
