You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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