I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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