oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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