dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
