I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
