that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
