I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
