what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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