The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
