Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
