I'm pants shitting drunk right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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