sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
