Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
