3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
