Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
