I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
4 words: hood of his car
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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