He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
