It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
