my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk is not a location!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
