There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
