I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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