i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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