Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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