I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
