just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
