i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
