Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
