just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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