FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
