OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
