Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
