and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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