Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
