Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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