When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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